Negative thoughts began rambling through my mind. Doubt in my skills plagued me. Where did this come from and why now? My desire to help others, only to be persecuted was one factor. My family’s desire to know me better was another. My mother and I have sold my childhood home and are looking for a new place to live. A culmination of things overwhelmed and frayed my outlook as well as my self-image.
Two things happened recently that shook me out of my stupor.
Tuesday I began a bible study with the Women’s Ministry of a local church that I adore. For the next six Tuesdays, I’ll attend this class. If the future classes inspire me as much as the first did, God’s guidance will show me how to balance the positive and how to let go of the negative.
Also, Hallee Bridgeman talked about carving out time to write in a recent blog post and it forced my mind to compartmentalize all the drama surrounding me. Wednesday, I managed to really write. I mean truly write. I read through scenes, identified where I needed to add information and change things. After 90 minutes, I felt I had accomplished something. It was a good feeling.There’s always going to be something tugging at our attention. Friends and family needing support. Social circles and community demanding notice. We need to attend to these things and people. They make our lives fuller, richer. We mustn’t lose ourselves though. That’s what happened to me; I lost myself.
I remember praying about my novel before I started writing, but somewhere along the way I lost sight of my purpose. God comes first, but I know he wants me to finish what I started. I have every intention of doing so.